Barbara's Blog

Tim's top 10

I thought you would enjoy Tim's top 10 reality checks for staying conscious in a relationship. So here they are:

1) I can't make you happy (that's your job).

2) I can't make you unhappy (that's also your job).

3) I can't give you anything you don't already have.

4) I can't save you from your life.

5) We have no future together (only this moment).

6) I can't promise you anything except that I can't promise you anything.

7) I will be faithful until I'm not faithful anymore.

8) I want you to do exactly what you're doing (because you'll do exactly what you're doing anyway).

9) No matter how hard you try, I'm never going to change. What you see is what you get.

10) I love you - and that doesn't mean that I'll do what you want me to do.

Interesting... right!

The way the mind works is gender-free

Do you realize that the way the mind works is gender-free? By this I mean that the nature of consciousness and the way the mind works is a natural universal law which applies to everyone, regardless of their sex. In fact, the nature of reality, the nature of mind doesn't know the difference between men and women! I believe this is worth thinking about...

This means that the laws of mind that I write about all the time in my books are valid for all of us. There are no exceptions. Each and every one of us experiences what we think, whether we're male or female. If our thoughts are desperate or despairing, we feel desperation and despair - whether or not we're male or female. If our thoughts or delightful and beautiful, we feel delight and beauty - whether or not we're male or female. Each one of us experiences what we focus our attention on - whether we're male or female. Each one of us can only experience what's going on in our own minds - whether we're male or female.

Now this is very interesting especially when you think about the fact that almost everyone in the whole world believes men and women are different. But is that true? Are men and women different? What do you think?

Clearing out old stuff

Did you ever think that maybe when you're feeling bad about something that it's old stuff coming up to the surface to be cleared?

Here's what I've noticed. We move higher in consciousness and think oh wow, I'm feeling so much better. And then we feel lousy again and feel disappointed in ourselves. And we think, how can this be happening to me again? Just when I thought I was feeling better? How come I'm feeling lousy again?

In my experience, this just seems to be the way of it. Sometimes up and sometimes down - and it's all part of the process of waking up. You feel better for a while and then stuff comes up again. And often it's old stuff that's coming to the surface so you can look at it again in the light of your new understanding and new awareness.

Sometimes this can be very confusing because when the old erroneous beliefs come up again, the experience can be so powerful that you might think you're not making any progress at all and that you're not getting better at all.

But the reality is if you are questioning your old stories and bringing yourself back to the present moment over and over again - you are making progress and you are getting better. And if you can stay present and just observe what is going on with you and shine the light of present-moment awareness on whatever it is that is coming up... you will see that it does dissolve and fade away.

But it's important to be patient and kind with yourself and give yourself an extra hug. And then tell yourself over and over again...  NONE OF THESE THINGS MOVE ME. And just watch and wait.

Richard Gere's dream

I saw Richard Gere's speech in San Francisco yesterday on YouTube and he ended by saying something like this.... "I had this dream and in the dream the Chinese leaders all wake up one morning and say - What have we done? What have we done? Let's go talk to the Dalai Lama. He'll know what to do... And he will know what to do."

Go in and see the whole speech on YouTube!

More about catastrophic thinking

So okay you start to realize that you are indulging in catastrophic thinking... what can you do about it. Well in my experience, the best way to deal with catastrophic thinking is to question it. Look it straight in the face and find out how much truth there is in it. One good way is to use the Byron Katie 4 questions... and ask "Is it true?" Or any other kind of cognitive behavior technique that helps you stop and question your thinking. And go deep and find out what the reality is.

Or just look at the matter that you're worried about and investigate it in whatever way feels right for you. Here's an example of what I mean. For many years my son Tim worried and obsessed about vomiting when he goes flying.  It all started the first time we flew to America when he was 10 years old. He got very air sick on the flight and vomited non-stop the whole trip from Denmark to the US... which was more than 8 hours... so it was a lot of vomiting! Since then, he's been afraid of getting sick again like that when he flies. Then one day I said to him before he was leaving to go somewhere, how many times have you actually vomitted on a flight? And he decided to make a list. So he tried to write down every flight he could remember he'd been on since he was 10 years old and as far as he could remember, it was something like a 100 flights. And the funny thing was that when he actually thought about all his trips - he found that he hadn't actually vomited on a single flight since he was 10 years old! But he didn't really realize this until he stopped and really looked at the reality of his own flying experience.

So this is what I mean by investigating your catastrophic thinking. Take a really close look at what you're worried about and see what the realityof it is. This can often be a big relief because we have a tendency to worry about so many things that never actually happen!

Catastrophic thinking

How much catastrophic thinking do you indulge in on a daily basis? It's a really interesting question especially if you're someone who worries a lot. I've noticed that it's really made a big difference in my life that I've become aware of when I spiral off into catastrophic thinking... because as soon as I notice it, I can also just stop and bring myself back to this here-now moment where everything is just fine!

Well just to backtrack for a moment - what do I mean by catastrophic thinking? Well catastrophic thinking is basically when we go off into some future scenario with all our "what if" thoughts. Like - what if the plane crashes and I die? What if they don't like me? What if I get sick? What if I don't have enough money? What if... As soon as you find yourself doing the "what if" stuff, you know you're into catastrophic thinking. Because the reality is - we don't know what is going to happen 5 minutes from now. The only thing we know for sure is that right now, right this minute, we are here now - doing the best we can in this moment. Which is pretty ok. So you will probably discover (just as I did) that as soon as you pull yourself back to this now moment you find yourself breathing easier and maybe even smiling.

Anyway for starters - I suggest just trying to notice when your mind goes crazy with catastrophic thinking and then gently bring yourself back to now.  And see how your life changes...

Affirmations for healing

Are you ill? Or is someone you care about ill? Well if so, here are some of my favorite healing affirmations. Pick the one that resonates best with you and then keep it running through your mind all day and all night - saying it aloud whenever you can. And then see what happens!

I give thanks that Divine Love is healing me now! I give thanks that Divine Love is healing me now! I give thanks that Divine Love is healing me now!

Everyday in every way, I am getting better and better. Everyday in every way, I am getting better and better. (This affirmation should be said out loud 15 times in a row, 3 times a day. Keep this one going for a few days and you will be amazed at the results.)

I praise what strength I have. I give thanks for what health I have. I glory in what life I have and God now gives the increase.

I rest and relax in the Love of God and I am healed. I rest and relax in the Love of God and I am healed.

I give thanks that Divine Love is performing any miracle needed in this situation. I give thanks that Divine Love is performing any miracle needed in this situation.

And remember the Great Law - whatever we send out comes back to us!

Are you enjoying this moment?

Are you really enjoying this now moment? Are you? Are you present enough and taking it all in, right now?

It's an interesting question isn't it, especially if it registers enough so that we stop for this now moment and take it all in. I've discovered that you can actually fall in love with this stuff you know. Fall in love with this. With now. With whatever this is. And when you get glimpses of this, you wonder why you've been running around like a chicken without its head all your life when it's all right here, right before your eyes.

When I find myself present, it makes me realize how much of my life I've been running around, doing stuff and not being present. And then what are those memories? You think of good times when you weren't really present, weren't really there, didn't really savor the life that was yours. And then it's gone. Puff!

And why? Was it because we were scared? Or worried that we weren't good enough or it wasn't good enough or it wasn't going to turn and right? And then what happened? It happened and it is now gone. Done. Over. Dissolved back into the nothingness from which it came.

Well I guess if we can see that... if we can see what we were doing before, we are now awake enough to be present with this now moment. And the next now moment. And the next.

Isn't this a blessed day! Isn't THIS blessed!

Love you. Barbara

Every day wisdom

I call it every day wisdom because it’s not just everyday wisdom but every day wisdom. And by that I mean, it’s not just ordinary wisdom but it’s wisdom we have to practice every day. Especially if we suffer from anxiety.

   So what is every day wisdom? It’s the wisdom to know that we have to keep coming back to this now moment over and over again. It’s the wisdom to know there is no final solution, no cure that is for always, but rather a cure that is only for now. And when you think about it, you realize that it can only be now. When else could it be? When else can we feel ok? When else can we experience this moment, the goodness of this moment, except now? So this is the ordinary wisdom that we who suffer from anxiety have to learn and have to keep re-learning each and every day. Especially because we are people who have somehow (for various reasons) allowed ourselves to be drawn into catastrophic thinking and then find ourselves panicking here and now because we’re imagining something happening in a future we in reality can know absolutely nothing about. The only cure for this is to bring yourself back to now. The only cure for this is to keep understanding, over and over again, what you are doing – to become aware of what you are doing and then to stop yourself from doing it. And this is something we can do. When we see ourselves spiralling into catastrophic thinking, we can say to ourselves, “OK, I can see what I’m doing now and I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m just going to stop and shift my focus to now.” This is what we can do every day, every time it happens. Every time we find ourselves wandering away from this moment, we can bring ourselves back by noticing what we’re doing and noticing what’s happening now. And This we can keep doing, over and over again.

Download my guided meditations for free

Hi friends.

My CD with my 3 guided meditations has been sold out for a while so now we've put the 3 meditations on our Web site so you can download them for free.

Just go to www.beamteam.com and you'll find the meditations listed under my books.

Enjoy! Love, Barbara